Have you ever felt both heart-broken and excited?
My therapy ended recently and it has meant that I have had to look at how I view change🤔
More specifically, endings.
And that could be ending a relationship, a way of being or an idea I have about myself.
You see, lately, some things have come to an end and I realise that I can struggle with things ending, even if it is for a positive reason. In the past it has felt like abandonment, it has felt like rejection, it has felt like I had done something wrong or that there was something that I needed to fix.
Here’s what I noticed with how I have managed endings and change:
I realise how I seek to find a solution to fix or remedy it.
How I find fault.
How I deny my own feelings.
How I blame myself in some way.
How I bargain to stay.
How I intellectualise the situation; I understand the other person so well and if I feel upset or angry or annoyed about their behaviour, then I am not being compassionate enough.
My relationship was ending with my therapist and I had done all of the things listed above.
When she asked me how I wanted it to end, I couldn’t answer, for I had witnessed and experienced many bitter endings.
And I think it’s because we really don’t allow the natural evolution of things.
I didn’t know endings could be handled with grace, tenderly, gently, with love and care because the ending deserves to be given the honour.
My relationship changed with my therapist
I was no longer in the place I was when we first met.
Because when we met, I had different needs.
I needed her to hold space for me.
I needed a relationship to reflect the very safety I needed to be with where I was in my life.
And as a result of being able to be in that, I began to unfold.
Life began to shift and change.
My feelings about myself and my view of the world changed.
As a direct result of being able to be where I was, I begun the journey to who I am, today, right here, right now🙌🏾🥰
Can it be ok to have different needs?
If not, why not?
I had to give this some space to air because there is something about needing to fix things that aren't our responsibility to fix.
And it’s when we try to hold on, that we create the friction.
We keep trying to bend and mould ourselves to fit and it doesn’t, because, heart to heart, something is amiss.
I have wanted to justify my changed needs and view of the world. It has been hard to be with the new standards I am creating for myself because some of my relationships haven’t evolved with me and I so desperately wanted them to.
Its more than changed relationships though.
I have changed! I am no longer who I was and realising that my relationships are shifting and changing as a result feels really heart-breaking. There is grief and sadness.
I know that this will pass, I also know that this is really great because it means that I am actually making space for relationships to meet me where I am at.
I still feel heartbroken, sad.
I want relationships that reflect this new part of me, ones with the mutual desire to grow and evolve.
One where we can be honest about our inner revolutions and evolve without restrictions because love is at the centre💚
🙏🏾This is the freedom I wish for you🙏🏾
And as I had been experiencing this ending with my therapist, other relationships had been impacted too. With friends, family members and most profoundly, myself.
This is what I am learning about relationships
🦋If there is not a mutual desire to grow then there will be no space for it to happen within the confines of that.
❗People who find it hard to honour their own needs will find an issue with your changed need and as a result will not respect your changed need for what it is.
I seek to allow my relationships to unfold gracefully, as I allow myself to unfold, gracefully.
As I continue to live my life consciously, I am open to changing my mind as I navigate this world. I open myself up to experience an array of things this life has to offer and that means, as I learn about the world, I may change my view, multiple times, along the way.
I seek to have an enriching life, so hell, change is inevitable and constant.
"Daring to set Boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others" - Brene Brown
I realise that, boundaries are important.
I realise that boundaries help people know how you want to be loved.
And without them, people will love you how they think you should be loved.
Ultimately, how they love themselves.
So, its not really the ending with my therapist, it is the ending with a version of myself. Another layer is being peeled back, skin shedding, transformation.
Because we live in cycles and change is constant.
It is the moment in time where I realise that change is afoot, certain ways of seeing my life have not been conducive to my growth, in fact it has been a weight, hindering my growth, and that in order for me to sustain the life I am creating, I need to shift a little and some people are not going to be ok with that.
I am both heartbroken and excited and that is absolutely ok.
Both can exist.
I decide what is ok and not ok, I set the standard of my life.
That is my responsibility.
Because in order for me to be happy and fulfilled and show up as a positively contributing person in this life, this is how I need to be treated.
This is how I need to treat myself.
And I trust that, as I continue to be this way with myself, I will attract more relationships that reflect that.
🙌🏾So with grace and honour, I say goodbye to all of the parts of me that I no longer need and that will no longer serve me as I step into this new level, this new chapter of my life.
May it bring more joyful moments, more experiences that pleasure my senses.
More loving connections with people, more laughter, because I really do love to laugh.
More opportunities to dance, because I really do love music.
More opportunities to share my poetry, because I really do believe that when I share my words, it heals me and at least one other person😉
More intimacy with the people I love and care about.
And ease, because life has been hard and I have already survived it.
So, yeah, here’s to ease and abundant health for us all🥂
May we all experience loving relationships that are bountiful🎉
May we know when to let go, with ease and grace.
Does this post resonate with you? Let me know in the comments below.
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Blessings on your week beloveds,